—See, I knew She With Whom I Abide would come back.

“Only because I wrote her a really long letter in which I practically had to beg her to return.”

—You did not.

“I did: I told her how sorry you were for being an idiot and ungrateful and thoughtless and foolish and careless and mean and . . . you can top sputtering in indignation: surely you must realize that your canine devotion has been lacking.”

—Dogs have the cares of the world forever on their shoulders, but I don’t think I should have to put with your constant baloney; maybe I’ll see you later.

“Hey, no sleeping on the bed!”