[After Lewis hears about plans his humans have for the weekend . . .]

—I’ll be happy to help out.

“How?”

—By providing a compelling example of blissful non-activity.

“Um, I thought you were the ever-vigilant, always-ready, hyper-aware watchdog eternally patrolling the fence to keep the household safe from evil?”

—I am.

“I don’t see how the two roles are compatible.”

—That’s because you are a mere human being, someone who aspires to dog-hood, but will, sadly, and completely, fail.

“Wait a minute, how did this get to be about me?”

—Silly human, you folks are constantly making it about you.

“I didn’t do anything . . .”

—Exactly, and we dogs must, more often than not, pick up the slack.

“What?”

—Now if you’ll excuse me, I have some power nap patrolling to do.