“Explain something to me: why do you get so agitated about the little dogs on the east side of the house?”

—You seem to have mistaken me for a dog who gives a bark.

“C’mon, quit it: you know what I’m talking about: you get that whiny, high-pitched yelping thing going. Are they insulting you or something?”

—I do not yelp; yelping is for puppies.

“You’re in denial, bub, you practically squeak at those dogs. At first, I mistook it for your ‘I hate cats’ bark.”

—I’m not pleased with the direction this conversation is taking.

“Apparently. What do you want to talk about?”

—You’re not leaving today?

“No, it’s my day off.”

—Good. It’s too chilly out there: claws and ice do not mix.

“There wasn’t any ice, just a little frost.”

—Yeah, well, that’s how it always starts.

“True.”

—Nice chatting with you: time to practice my patented Sleeping Protection.

“Where you protect us by sleeping?”

—No, protect you WHILE sleeping.

“Oh, right, sorry.”

—You know how to be forgiven.

“Yes, but no, maybe later.”