Lewis claims we should have found a way to allow him to spend last night on the bed.

“There’s not enough room.”

—It’s a huge bed. Besides, surely you’ve heard of the “three dog night” concept?

“It sounds familiar . . .”

—Both you former Alaskans should be well aware of it: it refers to the Inuit practice of using dogs as bed warmers, and a really cold night equaled a “three dog night.”

“As well as some classic rock hits that will haunt us baby boomers to our graves.”

—Yes, well, that’s a human problem. Anyway, last night certainly qualified as at least a “one dog night,” don’t you think?

“We have an electric under-pad beneath our sheets: we don’t need dogs.”

—You’d prefer to bathe your body in electro-magnetic radiation that probably causes massive cell disruption and long-term systemic breakdown to the natural heating of your loving dog?

“Electricity doesn’t have dog breath.”