—You humans have forgotten that there are only three really important things to worry about.
“And those are?”
—Eating, sleeping, and smelling.
“Easy for you to say: you don’t have to finance your eating.”
—I beg to differ: reminding you every morning that it’s time to feed me takes a lot of effort.
“So, let me get this straight: you’re claiming you work hard for a living?”
—Absolutely. You people are so stressed out by all the petty details of your existence, you’d quickly forget the important things if I didn’t make my presence known.
“Important, meaning filling your food bowl?”
—Of course, what could be more important?
“Maybe you could recapture your ability to track down game and become a little more self-sufficient.”
—No problem: just let me roam a little and I’ll be back in predator shape in no time.
“You’ll also be lost.”
—Now you’re just being insulting: you can’t have it both ways: keeping me penned up and chiding me for not hunting.
“You’re right: I apologize.”
—Thank you . . . say, would like some smelling lessons?
“Not if it means sniffing your butt.”