—You humans have forgotten that there are only three really important things to worry about.

“And those are?”

—Eating, sleeping, and smelling.

“Easy for you to say: you don’t have to finance your eating.”

—I beg to differ: reminding you every morning that it’s time to feed me takes a lot of effort.

“So, let me get this straight: you’re claiming you work hard for a living?”

—Absolutely. You people are so stressed out by all the petty details of your existence, you’d quickly forget the important things if I didn’t make my presence known.

“Important, meaning filling your food bowl?”

—Of course, what could be more important?

“Maybe you could recapture your ability to track down game and become a little more self-sufficient.”

—No problem: just let me roam a little and I’ll be back in predator shape in no time.

“You’ll also be lost.”

—Now you’re just being insulting: you can’t have it both ways: keeping me penned up and chiding me for not hunting.

“You’re right: I apologize.”

—Thank you . . . say, would like some smelling lessons?

“Not if it means sniffing your butt.”