—And maybe when you get a real job you can afford to buy me a different brand of dog food.

“Oh, I wasn’t aware you minded the continuity; you always seem quite excited about breakfast.”

—I’d be even more excited if there were a little variety in my diet.

“You get plenty of variety from your constant begging.”

—It’s not the same.

“You know, when I get a real job, you’ll be spending a lot more time outside all by yourself.”

—Oh.

“Hadn’t thought of that, had you?”

—Are you applying for any night shift positions?