Lewis wants you to know that he, too, sympathizes with the workday travails of She With Whom He Abides, and as a result he will be an even more faithful, loving, and loyal dog than ever before.

“So, you’ll be cutting down on the whining?”

—I don’t whine, puppies whine.

“Sounds like whining to me, oh Venerable One.”

—I prefer to think of such moments as expressive vocalizations of need and desire.

“Well, that makes a huge difference. You’re a regular Dog King of Euphemism.”

—I prefer to see it as precise description informed by exacting methods of specification analysis.

“Call it what you want, whiner: none of this bagel will be making a detour, via an arc-like trajectory, to your interactive canine digestive tract despite all your expressive vocalizations of need and desire.”