“Tomorrow, you know, She With Whom You Abide will be going away.”

—So, she goes away almost every day.

“Yeah, but tomorrow she won’t be coming back.”

—Ever?

“For about six days.”

—Six days?

“Yep, your bad behavior and lack of consideration and proper gratitude have finally driven her from the house; I hope you’re happy with yourself.”

—This isn’t my fault.

“In fact, who knows, she may never come back given your poor attitude.”

—I haven’t done anything.

“Exactly: no show of proper respect, constant displays of favoritism to the wrong human, the crimes just keep on coming.”

—But . . . but . . .

“And I’m thinking I’ll probably have to leave you out in the back yard for long stretches of time, too.”

—Why?

“Just because. Teach you a lesson.”

—But. . . but . . .

“Sorry, sometimes that’s just the way it goes.”

—But . . . but . . .