“So, I noticed that you retired to your own bed before I went upstairs last night.”
—You fell asleep in front of the TV and I didn’t want to disturb you.
“You’re on a schedule or something? After midnight you need to go sleep elsewhere?”
—I suppose you could say that I am fond of routine.
“I was impressed that you didn’t presume to sleep on the big bed.”
—I’ve been hearing some complaining about alleged sand that I allegedly transported to the sheets.
“Allegedly? So you were not responsible?”
—I can’t see how I could have been: I haven’t been to a beach in years.
“I think sand can be found in places other than beaches.”
—If you say so; the fact remains that I don’t go where I’m not wanted.
“I could argue with you about that, but as you seem a bit out of sorts over She With Whom You Abide’s absence, I’ll let it go.”
—When is she returning?
“Maybe never: I think you’ve driven her away with your ingratitude.”
—I have not.
—Given how sad I am, do you think my mood would be improved by a biscuit?
“Probably, but you ain’t getting one from me.”
—Wake me if you change your mind.