“So, I noticed that you retired to your own bed before I went upstairs last night.”

—You fell asleep in front of the TV and I didn’t want to disturb you.

“You’re on a schedule or something? After midnight you need to go sleep elsewhere?”

—I suppose you could say that I am fond of routine.

“I was impressed that you didn’t presume to sleep on the big bed.”

—I’ve been hearing some complaining about alleged sand that I allegedly transported to the sheets.

“Allegedly? So you were not responsible?”

—I can’t see how I could have been: I haven’t been to a beach in years.

“I think sand can be found in places other than beaches.”

—If you say so; the fact remains that I don’t go where I’m not wanted.

“I could argue with you about that, but as you seem a bit out of sorts over She With Whom You Abide’s absence, I’ll let it go.”

—When is she returning?

“Maybe never: I think you’ve driven her away with your ingratitude.”

—I have not.

“We’ll see.”

—Given how sad I am, do you think my mood would be improved by a biscuit?

“Probably, but you ain’t getting one from me.”

—Wake me if you change your mind.