January 26, 2009

“And you, we’ve decided, are a furtive furred furniture encroacher.”

—I beg your pardon?

“You crawl up on the couch when we leave the house but generously allow you to stay inside.”

—And how would you know that?

“Ah ha! So, you don’t deny it!”

—Of course I deny it. I’m just curious as to your supposed methods of detection of a non-existent crime.

“It’s not that difficult to discern: you leave heat and dog hair at the scene.”

—Oh. But I leave dog hair everywhere.

“Yes, you do, and we’re not particularly happy about that, either.”

—I see.

“Look, we already have broken down and now allow you to get up on the bed, but your long claws might puncture the living room furniture.”

—Oh.

“So knock it off.”

—It’s hard to stop doing something you’re not doing . . .

“And stop denying the obvious.”

—I think it’s time to meditate . . .

“Escaping to Nap-Land, eh?”

—Just doing my job.

“Where was your exquisite dedication to your job last night when She With Whom You Abide had a nightmare and began crying out in distress?”

—Um, you seemed to have things well in hand . . .

“I don’t think you even woke up.”

—I was awake, believe me, ever-vigilant is one of my mottos you know.

“Mostly motto methinks, very little practice.”

—You cut me to the quick. I was very concerned, but when I realized you were there to take care of matters, I turned my attention to other possible threats.

“And we are so grateful for that.”

—You’re welcome.