[Editor’s Note: After I’ve mowed a message (“I <heart> U”) into the backyard lawn, Lewis adds some . . . punctuation.]

“Hey, I noticed you’ve left your . . . um . . . ‘calling card,’ or shall we say, ‘dumping card’ on the heart I carved in the lawn with the lawnmower for She With Whom You Abide.”

—Oh, is that what that is? I thought it was an arrowhead.

“Well, yeah, I could have done a better job, and made it more heart-like, but you’re avoiding the issue: you pooped in the middle of her heart.”

—I did?

“Don’t play innocent: that wasn’t very nice.”

—I guess . . .

“You guess?”

—Couldn’t it be seen as a . . . greeting, or my way of acknowledging your message and seconding it, a way of adding my own . . . heart-felt sentiments?

“Pretty lame: I seriously doubt what you left came from your heart.”

—I suppose it could be misinterpreted.

“You think?”

—You think she’ll notice?

“After she receives this message she will.”

—Yeah, and who do I have to thank for that? Cursed writing.

“Hey, don’t blame me: you’re the one who did the squatting.”

—But I didn’t know it was a heart until now.

“I still think you have some explaining to do.”

—How about: the yard’s really not that big?

“Again, lame.”

—It’s not easy being a dog forced to roam in such a restricted space.

“Whatever. Next time just think . . . and look . . . before you poop.”

—I think I’ll look for a place to nap, if you don’t mind.

“Typical.”