[Editor’s Note: After I’ve mowed a message (“I <heart> U”) into the backyard lawn, Lewis adds some . . . punctuation.]
“Hey, I noticed you’ve left your . . . um . . . ‘calling card,’ or shall we say, ‘dumping card’ on the heart I carved in the lawn with the lawnmower for She With Whom You Abide.”
—Oh, is that what that is? I thought it was an arrowhead.
“Well, yeah, I could have done a better job, and made it more heart-like, but you’re avoiding the issue: you pooped in the middle of her heart.”
“Don’t play innocent: that wasn’t very nice.”
—I guess . . .
—Couldn’t it be seen as a . . . greeting, or my way of acknowledging your message and seconding it, a way of adding my own . . . heart-felt sentiments?
“Pretty lame: I seriously doubt what you left came from your heart.”
—I suppose it could be misinterpreted.
—You think she’ll notice?
“After she receives this message she will.”
—Yeah, and who do I have to thank for that? Cursed writing.
“Hey, don’t blame me: you’re the one who did the squatting.”
—But I didn’t know it was a heart until now.
“I still think you have some explaining to do.”
—How about: the yard’s really not that big?
—It’s not easy being a dog forced to roam in such a restricted space.
“Whatever. Next time just think . . . and look . . . before you poop.”
—I think I’ll look for a place to nap, if you don’t mind.