“I’m guessing it’s harder to do your happy hoppy dance when your stomach is bulging with an already-consumed breakfast.”

—Is your whole life dedicated to coming up with new ways to cast aspersions on my character?

“No, but I do set aside several hours a week to consider the matter.”

—I knew it.

“I do not: I was kidding you: I hardly give your character a second thought, much less brood about ways to cast aspersions on it. And how do you know what ‘aspersions’ are anyway?”

—I don’t know, probably picked it up from you . . . the same way I now know about ‘calumnious’ and ‘animadversion’ . . .

“Wait a minute, I just looked those words up in the dictionary.”

—I know. I saw you.

“Are you reading my mind or something?”

—If so, it’s the shortest story I’ve ever encountered. Ha ha. Two can play with calumny, my friend.

“So it seems, but only one can hand out the biscuits.”

—Oops.