[Editor’s Note: Lewis hears me say I need an extra hour of sleep.]

—Me, too.

“I hadn’t realized you were sleep-deprived; I assumed just the opposite.”

—When you’re awake an hour or more before you actually get up, it really disrupts my sleeping pattern: I think breakfast is imminent and then waiting . . . waiting . . . waiting . . . very upsetting.

“My profound apologies, I’m sure. Besides, nothing seems to disturb the rest of your sleeping, which I generously estimate takes up about 93% of your day.”

—How many times do I have to tell you that there’s sleeping and then there’s sleeping, the latter being a form of mega-intense High Alert Hair Trigger Guard Dog Napping.

“Guard Dog Napping: that’s a new one.”

—I’m applying for barkmark protection.

“Oh really? How does that work in the canine world: dogs send you biscuits for the use of your concept?”

—No, it’s more an honorary thing: it requires the other canine entities always refer to my idea as Lewis’ High Alert Hair Trigger Guard Dog Napping, though it wouldn’t really be Lewis, but my dog name, of course.

“Of course. Good luck with that. I hope you’re awake to hear the use of your barkmarked idea.”

—Very funny.