“Do dogs have a new year?”

—Yes, but we don’t use the same day you do. We find it kind of ridiculous that you folks pick what is often a cold miserable lousy day to celebrate.

“You might have something there.”

—The canine belief is that if you can’t do it outdoors, something’s missing.

“Makes sense. So what day is the dog’s new year?”

—Sorry, can’t tell you: privileged information.

“What? A top secret dog day?”

—I don’t make the rules.

“What difference would it make if I knew what day your new year’s was?”

—Sorry, can’t tell you that either.

“Oh, come on.”

—Sorry, I probably shouldn’t have even admitted we had a different day.

“I can’t believe this.”

—That’s the way it is. Deal with it.

“So, anything else you want to discuss?”

—Later, maybe. It was a rough night and I really need to take a nap.