January 5, 2009

[Editor’s Note: Lewis learns that a screenplay may divert attention away from “his” bark.]

—Oh no, now my bark is really going to get the short stick and my well-deserved celebrity will be postponed indefinitely.

“What are you moaning about?”

—This movie deal thing.

“Hey, nothing’s happened yet: it could all be a mirage.”

—Oh, but even if, you’ll still be fussing with that and not my work.

“Your work? Where do you get such delusions: I’m doing all the work, you just lie around complaining all the time.”

—I beg to differ: it is my scintillating conversation you are seeking to capture with your feeble talents.

“Oh, and now you’re insulting me: that’s a real good way of keeping a partnership flourishing . . . and I use the term ‘partnership’ loosely given the one-sided nature of this one.

—I can see you’re being unreasonable again. So, go ahead, become a big-time Hollywood screenwriter, ignore the little people you’ve stepped all over on the way to the top, forget your roots, deny your initial humble aspirations in favor of being a snooty flaming stuck-up cat-hole . . .

“Cat-hole?”

—You heard me: and I meant every word of it.