May 22, 2009

“And by the way, and I know I’ve mentioned this before, it’s not nice to try and fool someone into feeding you twice.”

—What are you talking about?

“All the eager leaping and dancing that greeted my rising. The rush to the back door followed by more leaping and dancing. The plaintive look when I let you out that asked, ‘Why aren’t you following me to the food bowl?’ That’s what I’m talking about.”

—Oh, there was no fooling involved: I was just happy . . . ecstatic . . . to see you again.

“Uh huh. Fortunately, we humans have developed a useful tool called writing that allows us to communicate even when we’re absent . . . I know you’ve heard of it.”

—Yes, and it is cursed by all dogs at least five times a day.

“This a ritual of some kind?”

—No, just an ordinary oath, like a minor swear word.

“Care to let me hear it?”

—It’s untranslatable.

“Right. You realize, of course, that you’ve just admitted your charade.”

—Shhhhh. Don’t bother me, I’m in the middle of an intense round of surveillance.